Long-distance partner asking for money? How to spot a scam

A long-distance boyfriend asking for money, when you’ve never met in person, should be treated as a scam until you know otherwise. Don’t send anything, however urgent or sad the story. The UK’s national fraud reporting service says that when you’ve only met someone online, any request for money should ring an alarm bell.

If you have met and know them offline, there’s a section on that below. Nobody reading this should feel daft: romance fraudsters are good at this on purpose.

First question: have you actually met?

Meeting in person is the line the official advice draws. Stop! Think Fraud, the government’s anti-fraud campaign, says never send money to someone you haven’t met in person, and that includes vouchers, cryptocurrency and money for investments.

The Met Police warns that a fraudster may give you an excuse why they cannot meet you in person, and that the excuse may seem reasonable. One excuse is life. A new one every time a visit gets close is a pattern.

Signs your long-distance boyfriend asking for money is a scam

What UK police and government guidance flags:

1. There’s always a reason they can’t meet. Each excuse sounds fair on its own (Met Police).
2. A sudden crisis with a clock on it. An urgent operation, an ill family member, a debt, or a situation where there’s supposedly no time to think. Sometimes they don’t even ask outright, and wait for you to offer out of kindness (Met Police).
3. Asking you to keep it quiet. Keeping the relationship secret cuts you off from the friends and family who might spot what’s happening (Met Police, Stop! Think Fraud).
4. A small ask, then a bigger one. Police Scotland calls this the "foot-in-the-door" technique. The reverse, "face-in-the-door", starts with a sum so large you’ll refuse, then asks for a smaller amount that feels reasonable next to it (Police Scotland).
5. Gift cards, crypto or an "investment". All named in police guidance (Met Police, Report Fraud).
6. Lots of questions about you, not much about them (Stop! Think Fraud).
7. Asking you to receive money or parcels for them. You could unwittingly be laundering money, which is a criminal offence (Met Police).

One sign alone might be innocent. Several, in someone you’ve never met, is exactly what the police describe.

How to check who you’re really talking to

• Reverse image search their photos. Report Fraud suggests using Google image search or TinEye to see whether their profile pictures can be found elsewhere online (Report Fraud).
• Stay on the dating app or site until you’re confident the person is who they say they are (Stop! Think Fraud).
• Get a second opinion. Both Report Fraud and Stop! Think Fraud say a second opinion from a friend or family member can really help. If they’ve asked you to keep them secret, that’s a reason to tell someone.
• Take your time. Report Fraud advises asking questions and not rushing (Report Fraud). Anyone genuine can cope with you checking.

Already sent money? Do this now

1. Contact your bank straight away. Call 159, a short number that connects you to your bank and covers more than 99% of UK retail bank current accounts (Stop Scams UK), or ring the number on the back of your card (Met Police).
2. Stop paying and stop sharing. Break contact, don’t make any more payments and don’t share any more personal information (Stop! Think Fraud).
3. Report it to the police. In England, Wales or Northern Ireland, report to Report Fraud online or on 0300 123 2040 (the old Action Fraud address, actionfraud.police.uk, now takes you there). In Scotland, report to Police Scotland on 101. You can also report anonymously to Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111 (Met Police).
4. Report the profile to the dating service (Report Fraud).
5. Check your credit file if you’ve shared personal or financial details, in case your identity is being misused (Report Fraud).
6. Watch out for a second scam. Fraudsters sometimes come back claiming they can recover your money. Hang up on anyone offering that (Report Fraud).

This is not your fault

Report Fraud’s own guidance is clear: if you’ve been targeted, you are not to blame, and there’s no need to feel ashamed or embarrassed. Romance fraudsters, it explains, work hard to make sure a request for money doesn’t set off alarm bells. For almost a third of those targeted, the fraud goes on for more than a year.

The loss isn’t only money. Report Fraud describes people losing what they believed was a partner, a support system and a future. That’s grief, and it deserves support:

• Victim Support runs a free 24/7 Supportline on 0808 168 9111, whether or not you’ve reported to the police (Met Police). Report Fraud lists it as a charity for England and Wales.
• Samaritans is free on 116 123, any time of the day or night, if it all feels like too much.
• Your bank’s fraud team, via 159, for the practical side.
• Someone you trust, even if you’ve been keeping this to yourself for a while. Especially then.

If they’re real and they still need money

Genuine partners hit hard times too. If you’ve met, know their friends and family, and the request fits the life you’ve seen, it’s a normal (if awkward) conversation. A few ground rules still help:

• Only lend what you could afford never to see again.
• Say out loud whether it’s a gift or a loan, and when it’s due back.
• Never take out credit in your name for someone else.
• If the asking turns constant, secretive or always urgent, the warning signs above still apply, met or not.

Money pressure can be one of the quieter red flags in a long-distance relationship, and it’s worth weighing against the green flags too.

If you’re worried about someone else

Scammers isolate people from friends and family on purpose (Met Police), so avoid anything that pushes your friend further away. Ask about the person rather than opening with "you’re being scammed". Offer to run a reverse image search together, share the Report Fraud page, and keep the door open, so you’re the one they ring when doubt creeps in.

If a request for money is sitting in your messages right now, don’t reply to it yet. Show it to one person you trust today, and if money has already gone, call 159 before anything else.

Questions people ask

Is it a scam if my long-distance boyfriend asks for money?

If you’ve never met in person, treat it as a serious warning sign. UK police and government fraud advice is never to send money to someone you’ve only met online, however urgent or sad the story. Other signs include excuses for not meeting, sudden emergencies and requests for secrecy. If you have met and know them offline, it may be genuine, but only lend what you can afford to lose.

How can you tell if your online partner is real?

Run their profile photos through a reverse image search, such as Google image search or TinEye, to see if they appear elsewhere online. Stay on the dating platform until you’re confident, notice whether they share much about themselves, and be wary of repeated reasons they can’t meet in person. A second opinion from a friend or family member helps too.

What should you do if you sent money to a romance scammer?

Contact your bank straight away, on 159 or the number on your card. Stop all contact and payments, report the profile to the dating service, and report the fraud: to Report Fraud on 0300 123 2040 in England, Wales and Northern Ireland, or to Police Scotland on 101. Be wary of anyone who later offers to recover your money.

Where do you report a romance scam in the UK?

In England, Wales and Northern Ireland, report romance fraud to Report Fraud, the national fraud and cyber crime reporting service, online or by calling 0300 123 2040. In Scotland, report it to Police Scotland by calling 101. You can also report anonymously through Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111, and you should tell your bank immediately if you’ve sent money.